EDITOR’S NOTE: ‘Just Jeff’ – aka Jeff Heiss – is our newest columnist:
I don’t accept gifts freely.
As a contractor, I frequently get to be friends with my clients or at least friendly. It’s common to be asked if I wanted to stay for dinner, to which I politely decline. Then, I go home by myself and eat something I warm in the microwave.
Why do I say no when I would actually like to stay? Their offer was simply a gesture, right?
They didn’t really want to be inconvenienced, did they? I’ve learned to say yes; to accept their offer – offer of food, friendship and company.
I’m the same way when someone offers to help – I decline. I don’t want to put them out. Besides, I can do it myself. It’s been suggested that when I say no, I actually rob someone of the joy they’d receive by helping.
Pride gets in the way of my accepting gifts, but I’m better now at looking past it and saying yes.
For more Just Jeff, please visit and “Like” him here:
I think when it comes to offers and gifts it greatly depends on heart and circumstances. Contractor vs. Client relationship can build community and strength in job market, along with friendship. It’s who you know. Don’t accept if lines could get blurry, keep it uncomplicated and professional. Go to dinner, but not let’s say not Trampoline Park. Accept if it’s genuine without strings attached. Accepting help is pride and ego check if we value independence, but we can be at fault if we rob people of their generosity. So it depends on motivation and heart. Knowing ourselves, our own boundaries helps. Commication is 30 percent verbal, 70 percent non verbal with a variety of ways people think, behave, interact. Learning valuable communication skills is always beneficial. As manners. We can be afraid of boundary pushers who don’t accept no for answer or expand self because we were pushed by authentic loving people who have our best interest at heart. That’s often the best judge of character. Do the gift givers have our best interest at heart? It’s a great question to keep close in situations. It’s also a great way to discern others more complicated to read. If the act is not selfish, say yes, if the act is selfish, patterns of behavior, looking at integrity matters. At first glance, instincts are key, Intuition, people, situation should be somewhat easy to process, read. This is important. Shock and all are memorable characters that we hold dear later on or find it won’t work and stronger discipline boundaries needed. How comfortable we understand ourselves in our own complex layers, understanding people, their cultures…that matters. That could take time or minutes. But also be gentle with rejection and enthusiastic in yes. If nothing else, we can be remembered by what we gave, not what we took. Or take. Take aways should be filled with good memories, not regret. In business, never burn Bridges, but alliances. In personal, intregity always matters, as in manners, and mannerisms. Remember, we can’t control others, only ourselves. We manage self well, that’s reflective.